Nothing new to report this week except the same old neuroses. Finally had the kind of day I dream of having every day. Relaxed but effective and creative. No panic at any point. No crushing deadlines. No feelings of impending doom and narrow escape from complete disaster. Its been a while since I’ve felt this much in control of my life and able to casually choose my next move(s).
I’m not sure if its an addiction or an inability on my part to reach an effective organized state or – what I hope – just too much, too fast, for normal human consumption. Whatever it is, I’m enjoying a respite and an opportunity to think through some difficult problems and even test out some possible solutions. It’s pleasant to work on something creative without a gun to my head for once. I like to think of this mode of being as breathtaking blue.
A mental picture of breathtaking blue – deep blue sky, warm air, gentle breeze, fresh smells, shade, water, sounds, comfort, content, interested, absorbed attention, thoughtful, mindful – nothing wrong with the world and a clear future ahead of me. No pressure. As I said at the beginning of this blog – this is my aim – the place I want to be.
Today was one of these days. I’m happy.