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Method And Madness

I spend of lot of my time thinking ahead about projects I want to complete. I’m very goal focused – which from time to time leads to crushing depression when I fail those goals. I’ve been noticing how unhappy I’m feeling lately – despite managing to accomplish a great deal and methodically meeting many of my goals. I decided to try and spend less time in my head planning and analyzing new projects and how I can fit all these glorious little nuggets together into the perfect jigsaw puzzle that will become my life and instead to exclusively focus on the present – the now – the moment. This is… impossible, well – difficult at least.

I’ve been feeling crushingly nostalgic about things I’ve done, people I’ve known, moments I’ve experienced, places I’ve been etc and it dawned on me that perhaps I was nostalgic because I wasn’t paying enough attention to them when they were actually happening. That instead of being in the moment fully experiencing them, I was off somewhere in my head planning away my future – looking past the horizon.

I still think it’s important to plan and to have plans… but… maybe I need a better balance of present and future in my life. Something more in line with that life is a journey not a destination idea.

It’s only been a few days so far – but I’m feeling a bit better and a lot less futile about my existence. I still have BIG plans and lots of ideas and goals – of course, but I’m trying really hard to let them simmer in the background while I smell the air and listen to the sounds – and try to be a little less self-absorbed. Difficult, but worth it.

I think if you boil down all your life’s actions, plans, goals etc, it all comes down to this:
Did you have a good time?

And if that is the FINAL word on life – then why not focus on it.