Inked Photo On Paper, 1994 :: (Click to see more)

In speaking with my grandmother last night, she talked about an early work of mine she has where I broke the bounds of the photographic frame by drawing and colouring – extending the image beyond the photograph. Her comment – this piece was from an earlier period, when I was interested in breaking the frame.

This struck a chord with me. I had forgotten my roots – forgotten what originally drove me in the direction I’m heading.
How easily we forget the arc of our lives when we become engrossed in the moment.

Reflecting on our conversation this morning, I remembered even more and see now how this idea has driven me ever since. I was obsessed with the implications of the edge of the photograph – its limiting bounds – its enclosing restriction. I even went to great lengths to find a way to frame my photographs without a frame in an effort to mitigate this enclosing effect.

Ironically in opposition to this, I was – am still – fascinated by the enclosing effect – the window a photograph creates to another time – another place – another moment – another emotion. I find photographs are worm holes in time and space – portals or links across great distances.

My first exhibition called Openings explored this restriction of enclosure a step further. Openings was a series of images looking through openings – an enclosure within the enclosure of the frame and in some images openings within openings, iterating redundantly.

This was my earliest attempt at breaking the boundaries of photographic convention. Breaking limitation and restriction continues to motivate me and has evolved into my recent efforts – present an event in its entirety (interactive video installation Can I Help You and 3 channel enveloping video installation Airfish) – articulate emotion through core elements of shape, colour and movement (photographs, Metro Motion, Coloured City and recently Light Signatures).

All this time, I’ve been asking Why, pounding my head against restriction and limitation.
Truly – this is the story of my life… isn’t it.

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Inked Photo On Paper

So in photo art we have this extreme opposite trend toward pallid, dry, off colour, dystopic presentations of reality that make me think of the 60′s ektachromes from my family’s photo archive. Alright, I guess. Interesting in their own right, I suppose. But I don’t see them breaking any new ground. And yesss, that’s what I’m trying to do – break new ground. I’m not interested in re-doing something that has already been done.

I’m interested in connecting with the emotion of living – getting to the root of what it feels like in this moment or that moment – in this place or in that place. Presenting that in it’s most raw, uncluttered, elemental form through shapes, colours, sounds, movement – the fundamental symbology of our human existence.

Really I think this is what all photography is striving for at its heart (even all art really) – just using different methodologies. My method currently involves abstraction. The funny thing is I never intended this – never intended to make abstract images. It just kind of happened when I began to think of things – when I began to look for ways to simplify the images – when I began to investigate ways to connect my images to the emotional response of what I was seeing, it just spontaneously emerged.

Its all about the feeling – isn’t that what all art is about? what all creative expression is about?
How it feels?
How it makes you feel?

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Blood Red Streaks Beside Pouring White Hot Yellow Streaks

Blood Red Streaks Beside Pouring White Hot Yellow Streaks, 2012 - Light Signatures :: (Click to see more)

I’ve been slowly reading a book called The Power Of Now by Echkart Tolle which surprisingly I am finding resonance with. I say surprisingly because I tend not to like spiritual concepts forced on me. I prefer to arrive at my own understanding and conclusion through introspection. But as I read this book in the small chunks of time I have here and there – which is actually better because it has allowed me time to digest, question and integrate what I’m reading – I see an emergent pattern in my life.

The times when I am most internally calm and centred are the times when I produce my best images – the times when I make my greatest intuitive leaps – the times when I am profoundly happy with what I’m doing. Yesterday it suddenly occurred to me why I love being up on the Bruce Peninsula at my family’s cottage – its the one place where I tend to lapse into this mindset easily and automatically and thus the place where I produce good work.

The essential premise of Now as I understand it – you stop thinking and existing in the future and the past. You stop obsessively planning and dreaming that things will be better when… and stop reminiscing how things in the past were great when… Instead you concentrate on this moment – now – how it feels to be here now – what you are doing now. This is a simplistic explanation but this concept in essence forces you to be present in the moment which is exactly what I need, to be calm, focused and happy about my creative work.

It is of course difficult to do, particularly when you lead a busy life with constant deadlines and crazy schedules. But, its kind of like the thin edge of a wedge. If you can find a crack where this idea can take hold it will gradually and inevitably split you wide open – I think – hasn’t exactly happened to me yet, but I am beginning to see things differently and starting to revert to a calmer state I once occupied many years ago. A state I long to re-attain – where I was calm, focused and happy. Ahhh, you caught me – reminiscing about the past.

Okay, lets just say I have been here in this state of mind/state of being before and I want to stay here now. Its a delicate balance – at least at first – but perhaps it will become second nature – like walking which took some work to master at first but eventually became second nature. This time, instead of stumbling upon this state of mind by accident, without knowing what or how to maintain it, I am methodically approaching with a clear mind on what it is and how to stay here.

Hopefully that will be enough for me to make it a permanent existence. To be calm and zen will certainly be better for my health, not to mention my artistic growth.

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Light Green Splashes Dancing Atop A Deep Green Waterfall

Light Green Splashes Dancing Atop A Deep Green Waterfall, 2012 - Light Signatures :: (Click to see more)

Occasionally I come up for air like a dolphin or whale and manage to get a little perspective on some area of my life. It’s usually at those times that I’m taken aback by the complexity and burdensome nature of my existence. If I have the energy I’ll try to analyze the situation in an attempt to somehow untangle the spaghetti mess and simplify it. Inevitably as I break it down into component parts I’ll see that, yes, I STILL want to pursue all these many varied things.

I guess if I were smarter or perhaps more disciplined I would be able to pry my little fingers off much of the stuff I do and become more focused. Although, part of the spread myself thin approach has something to do with keeping boredom at bay – ie cram every little chink and crack of my life with pursuits so boredom won’t be able to get a foothold anywhere – although exhaustion will have no trouble flowing into everything like an inexorable tidal water table – welling up from beneath. (The boredom thing is something I’m working on ie reducing my concern over it and replacing it with calm introspection.)

Occasionally I manage to take the bull by the horns and trim away extremely excessive behavior – and in truth I am slowly getting better at doing this. So I guess you could say my complex life is slowly shrinking in complexity – although whether that shrink is offset by the ever expanding creep I’ve spoken of in the past is another thing.

Yesterday I was thinking about all this and it struck me that I’ve set myself up with a task oriented model – which can be very efficient and effective when operated properly but as it turns out can also be quite inflexible and stifling. I felt a great burden lift when I considered the possibility of not having a daily task list but only a schedule. Ahhh such freedom! But then I was yanked back with the realization that the important things I needed to remember or do in the future would be crowding around in my mind getting forgotten and mislaid.

Is that a better way to live? Certainly less stressful from this vantage point (the grass is always greener isn’t it) but also less efficient. Perhaps I need to take this task oriented approach less seriously. Wind the dial back from eleven. I think if you knew me well you would probably say that’s the true solution to my dilemma. I have a tendency to go overboard – get extreme with my life solutions.

So this morning I took my task list apart and kept only the immediately necessary and important stuff. It helped… a little. There’s still quite a list but then again I have a lot on my plate at the moment. If I can get past this hump things will be better – or so I’ve told myself. We’ll see how I feel next week.

Greeny Blue Orange Angled Lateral Streaks, 2012 - Light Signatures :: (Click to see more)

Hokay, so I finally worked on an image for this post. It did feel good and frivolous but man it was kind of like pulling teeth from a chicken – strange thing to say I know but I’m sure I’ve heard this phrase somewhere before and no it didn’t spring fresh from my fertile imagination. All this while the good tunes were cranked and pumping. Clearly I need to produce more – get my skills flowing smoothly and my mind springing lightly from rock to rock, dancing across the babbling brook of my sensoria. Mmmm I miss that calm connected feeling of don’t-care.

On another note, I’m noticing a pattern to the acceptance of my images. Light Signatures will be my third body of work about the emotion of living and it seems to be getting the same cool reception that my earlier work first received. Its been a good ten years since that first body was produced and five years since the second and lately those two bodies of work are experiencing a surge of interest. I’m not sure what this is about or why, but as long as interest in my work continues to grow, I guess I’m okay with it.

I always find it kind of depressing when I put myself out there only to receive a cool reception. For once it would be nice to plug right in to the zeitgeist without the long buildup. In my dark moments I wonder if I’m missing something.

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Greeny Blue Orange Angled Lateral Streaks

As you might guess, this is quite hard for me – which is why I have it popping up every month. To some degree a lot of what I do in life and creatively is go against the grain so its an important trait or skill in my reserve. But as they say – as I often try to remind myself – balance is the key. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow in order to save yourself – its just I find it hard to decide when to let go.

The other part of this little popup reminder is Follow My Destiny. To some degree I believe in some form of destiny – I think there is a destination or general vicinity to which our lives point, but I also believe in causality – the path to that destination is up to us. For me, I have a tendency to take the most difficult path possible – for the challenge. But as I get older – yes older – I am beginning to recognize a pattern to things. That sometimes the difficult path – swimming upstream – isn’t necessarily the optimum, right, best or fun path. Hence the go with the flow idea.

I also have a desire – among all my other life goals – to be efficient with my time. So it’s necessary for me to balance my desire for challenge (to combat boredom) with my desire for efficiency. I don’t like to waste my time. This might be why I spend a good deal of my time thinking about things rather than just going at them willy-nilly. I don’t always think so much though. Plenty of times I just plunge ahead and work it out as I go – that’s fun too.

I don’t have the answers … yet – haha, but if I EVER reach enlightenment, you’ll be the first to know.