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Don’t Worry So Much – Focus

I have a tendency toward impatience for change. I have a clear goal visualized in my head and expect it to happen essentially immediately. Yeah, I know just how immature this is – its an emotional issue. Intellectually I know this is ridiculous and impossible, but emotionally, I want it now! wah!

The thing is, I can usually keep this in check – that is usually – until I am fatigued then my emotional side quite readily gets the better of me. And when it does I tend toward depression that all my dreams are not coming to completion IMMEDIATELY.

I recognize that everything takes time to unfold, that its the journey not the destination and anything worth doing will be difficult. And typically these concepts are not a problem for me – indeed I rise to greet their challenge with excitement and vigor. But when I’m low, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders so crushingly that I almost can’t function – it’s brutal.

I have to constantly remind myself not to run myself down, to get enough rest and to pace myself, but I’m rambunctious by nature and easily excited by the possibilities of everything I lay my mind to. When I’m able to harness that excitement for useful projects its amazing what I can achieve in a short time but when that excitement blares away like an untended fire hose, it flies around knocking other things over wasting precious energy while flailing about at nothing in particular.

Focus – is what I’m gradually – glacially – learning as I grow older and hopefully more mature, so I can direct the fire hose of excitement in my mind with useful intent. The ability to keep my attention trained on a single particular goal – not just any particular goal, but a mental committee, carefully considered, stamped with approval, designated, grade A goal – one that I’ve decided is worth committing time and effort to. Sure I can concentrate on single goals at any given time – its just that I don’t want to waste my precious life concentrating my efforts on pointless tasks or ideas.

The difficulty I have is self doubt as I’m focused on a task. For example, is this task REALLY the one I want to dedicate myself to? Is this task the one I SHOULD be concentrating on first vs that other task I also decided to do? These are the self-doubts and self-flagellation I endure while working focused on something – usually during a particularly onerous segment or when I would really rather be elsewhere. I suppose one could argue that having these thoughts in the midst of a task signifies a certain LACK of focus and I suppose that’s true. Well that’s just one more thing I have to learn on my long road to maturity.

Ah well, here’s to keeping focused ,which hopefully results in great accomplishment.