William Oldacre Photography

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Nothing To Fear

Light Signatures series, day, colour photograph, art, abstract, abstract expressionism, creative, city street, urban, downtown, cityscape, speed, blur, movement, motion, orange, green, muted, streaks, squares, trailling, waves, patterns, shapes

Green Oscillating Line On Orange Green Streaks, 2011 – Light Signatures :: (click to see more)

Oh, if that were only true. It seems my life is governed by fear. In reflection yesterday on my general fear, I began to itemize the main issues I’m fearful of. Without airing my dirty laundry – too much: fear of money, fear of relationship, fear of age/death, fear of failure. Did I miss any of the big ones out? I know you think I’m crazy. Well, I guess I am.

My body is so cramped up from my constant preoccupation with fear that I can hardly bend over. I’m like a hunched over stiff prematurely old man. This nonsense has to end in my life. Its taking up far too much of my precious time and effort.

I repeat my mantra – don’t be afraid – constantly lately, but I don’t feel a change. Could it be loosing its power with regular flippant repetition, or is it that the changes in me are so slight and ongoing that I am unable to see them. The latter I hope. Whatever the situation, fear has got to go or at the very least be put into perspective – rather than occupy an overarching position in my psyche.

There have been times in my life when I was completely without these fears. I had much less responsibility. I was free to think and do. I’ve assumed some heavy burdensome responsibilities that I’m not coping with too well. I’ve woven a tangled web of interconnecting dependencies that make it difficult/impossible to easily extract any one of these things from my life. Perhaps that is best, since I find all of them an essential and necessary foundation for my future.

I need a way to effectively cope with my burdens. I see my friends, family and associates are laden with similar burdens and struggling in their own ways. Coping mechanisms abound – all of them involve crutches of one form or another. I’ve seen no one with a solid reliable solution – not even in the wider world – other than be meditative, introspective and aware.

Is this the only effective answer to the pain of life?
Is this what it means to be mature?

If so – I’m not impressed.