It was a struggle to make this today for a lot of reasons. But the more I make things the more I feel I’m onto something – both internally and externally. Internally, because of my health pursuits – a mild way of saying I’m insanely interested in my personal longevity – I’m wrestling more and more with difficult ideas around purpose – future purpose – and how to reconcile myself with where I am in my life agenda.
I’d like to say most people my age – but don’t want to paint with such a wide brush (on the other hand I get a sense that it is most people my age that feel this way) – are in middle age at this point. They might have had a mid-life crisis. They likely have some kids or are married or both or have settled down in some way – a job, a house etc and are looking forward to retiring in 10, 15 or 20 years. The assumption here is their lives have a duration and an arc. I want something else.
I’m working toward positioning myself for a longer duration and arc or even multiple arcs. Which means I’m not in the middle of my life. This is all unproven, futuristic, hopefulness of course but chance favors the prepared. So with that in mind I’m preparing. Problem is it requires a kind of schism since I need to think and act in both ways at the same time in the off chance I’m wrong about the future. This is difficult and casts a ton of doubt which in turn makes it a struggle to produce.
So far I feel good though. I guess we’ll see how this works out in the years ahead.