Up For Air
Occasionally I come up for air like a dolphin or whale and manage to get a little perspective on some area of my life. It’s usually at those times that I’m taken aback by the complexity and burdensome nature of my existence. If I have the energy I’ll try to analyze the situation in an attempt to somehow untangle the spaghetti mess and simplify it. Inevitably as I break it down into component parts I’ll see that, yes, I STILL want to pursue all these many varied things.
I guess if I were smarter or perhaps more disciplined I would be able to pry my little fingers off much of the stuff I do and become more focused. Although, part of the spread myself thin approach has something to do with keeping boredom at bay – ie cram every little chink and crack of my life with pursuits so boredom won’t be able to get a foothold anywhere – although exhaustion will have no trouble flowing into everything like an inexorable tidal water table – welling up from beneath. (The boredom thing is something I’m working on ie reducing my concern over it and replacing it with calm introspection.)
Occasionally I manage to take the bull by the horns and trim away extremely excessive behavior – and in truth I am slowly getting better at doing this. So I guess you could say my complex life is slowly shrinking in complexity – although whether that shrink is offset by the ever expanding creep I’ve spoken of in the past is another thing.
Yesterday I was thinking about all this and it struck me that I’ve set myself up with a task oriented model – which can be very efficient and effective when operated properly but as it turns out can also be quite inflexible and stifling. I felt a great burden lift when I considered the possibility of not having a daily task list but only a schedule. Ahhh such freedom! But then I was yanked back with the realization that the important things I needed to remember or do in the future would be crowding around in my mind getting forgotten and mislaid.
Is that a better way to live? Certainly less stressful from this vantage point (the grass is always greener isn’t it) but also less efficient. Perhaps I need to take this task oriented approach less seriously. Wind the dial back from eleven. I think if you knew me well you would probably say that’s the true solution to my dilemma. I have a tendency to go overboard – get extreme with my life solutions.
So this morning I took my task list apart and kept only the immediately necessary and important stuff. It helped… a little. There’s still quite a list but then again I have a lot on my plate at the moment. If I can get past this hump things will be better – or so I’ve told myself. We’ll see how I feel next week.