Weight of Life
Every so often I find myself remembering friends and family I’ve lost along the way with a lonely and heavy heart. I imagine this is what my grandmother is feeling when she speaks longingly of lost friends and family – what it feels like when you’ve outlasted your friends and lovers. If that’s true, then wow – old age is going to be deadly depressing having to face that each day – spirit crushing.
But alternately I think of my son and his chums and my delight in their stories and antics. Perhaps the balance to inevitable loneliness is to delight in youth – take enjoyment from watching those younger than us cavort and play. Maybe this is just the natural progression that occurs as we have families and age. I hope so.
Meanwhile it’s a poignant happy sadness I feel when I turn my thoughts to lost friends and family and the moments and ideas we shared. It’s a seductive longing for what was – the safety and security of the known and well understood.