Agloolik Green Aqualine Form Yellow Streaks, 2012 – Light Signatures :: (Click to see more)
Nothing new to report this week except the same old neuroses. Finally had the kind of day I dream of having every day. Relaxed but effective and creative. No panic at any point. No crushing deadlines. No feelings of impending doom and narrow escape from complete disaster. Its been a while since I’ve felt this much in control of my life and able to casually choose my next move(s).
I’m not sure if its an addiction or an inability on my part to reach an effective organized state or – what I hope – just too much, too fast, for normal human consumption. Whatever it is, I’m enjoying a respite and an opportunity to think through some difficult problems and even test out some possible solutions. It’s pleasant to work on something creative without a gun to my head for once. I like to think of this mode of being as breathtaking blue.
A mental picture of breathtaking blue – deep blue sky, warm air, gentle breeze, fresh smells, shade, water, sounds, comfort, content, interested, absorbed attention, thoughtful, mindful – nothing wrong with the world and a clear future ahead of me. No pressure. As I said at the beginning of this blog – this is my aim – the place I want to be.
Blood Red Streaks Beside Pouring White Hot Yellow Streaks, 2012 – Light Signatures :: (Click to see more)
I’ve been slowly reading a book called The Power Of Now by Echkart Tolle which surprisingly I am finding resonance with. I say surprisingly because I tend not to like spiritual concepts forced on me. I prefer to arrive at my own understanding and conclusion through introspection. But as I read this book in the small chunks of time I have here and there – which is actually better because it has allowed me time to digest, question and integrate what I’m reading – I see an emergent pattern in my life.
The times when I am most internally calm and centred are the times when I produce my best images – the times when I make my greatest intuitive leaps – the times when I am profoundly happy with what I’m doing. Yesterday it suddenly occurred to me why I love being up on the Bruce Peninsula at my family’s cottage – its the one place where I tend to lapse into this mindset easily and automatically and thus the place where I produce good work.
The essential premise of Now as I understand it – you stop thinking and existing in the future and the past. You stop obsessively planning and dreaming that things will be better when… and stop reminiscing how things in the past were great when… Instead you concentrate on this moment – now – how it feels to be here now – what you are doing now. This is a simplistic explanation but this concept in essence forces you to be present in the moment which is exactly what I need, to be calm, focused and happy about my creative work.
It is of course difficult to do, particularly when you lead a busy life with constant deadlines and crazy schedules. But, its kind of like the thin edge of a wedge. If you can find a crack where this idea can take hold it will gradually and inevitably split you wide open – I think – hasn’t exactly happened to me yet, but I am beginning to see things differently and starting to revert to a calmer state I once occupied many years ago. A state I long to re-attain – where I was calm, focused and happy. Ahhh, you caught me – reminiscing about the past.
Okay, lets just say I have been here in this state of mind/state of being before and I want to stay here now. Its a delicate balance – at least at first – but perhaps it will become second nature – like walking which took some work to master at first but eventually became second nature. This time, instead of stumbling upon this state of mind by accident, without knowing what or how to maintain it, I am methodically approaching with a clear mind on what it is and how to stay here.
Hopefully that will be enough for me to make it a permanent existence. To be calm and zen will certainly be better for my health, not to mention my artistic growth.
