Tag: rest

  • Don’t Worry So Much – Focus

    I have a tendency toward impatience for change. I have a clear goal visualized in my head and expect it to happen essentially immediately. Yeah, I know just how immature this is – its an emotional issue. Intellectually I know this is ridiculous and impossible, but emotionally, I want it now! wah!

    The thing is, I can usually keep this in check – that is usually – until I am fatigued then my emotional side quite readily gets the better of me. And when it does I tend toward depression that all my dreams are not coming to completion IMMEDIATELY.

    I recognize that everything takes time to unfold, that its the journey not the destination and anything worth doing will be difficult. And typically these concepts are not a problem for me – indeed I rise to greet their challenge with excitement and vigor. But when I’m low, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders so crushingly that I almost can’t function – it’s brutal.

    I have to constantly remind myself not to run myself down, to get enough rest and to pace myself, but I’m rambunctious by nature and easily excited by the possibilities of everything I lay my mind to. When I’m able to harness that excitement for useful projects its amazing what I can achieve in a short time but when that excitement blares away like an untended fire hose, it flies around knocking other things over wasting precious energy while flailing about at nothing in particular.

    Focus – is what I’m gradually – glacially – learning as I grow older and hopefully more mature, so I can direct the fire hose of excitement in my mind with useful intent. The ability to keep my attention trained on a single particular goal – not just any particular goal, but a mental committee, carefully considered, stamped with approval, designated, grade A goal – one that I’ve decided is worth committing time and effort to. Sure I can concentrate on single goals at any given time – its just that I don’t want to waste my precious life concentrating my efforts on pointless tasks or ideas.

    The difficulty I have is self doubt as I’m focused on a task. For example, is this task REALLY the one I want to dedicate myself to? Is this task the one I SHOULD be concentrating on first vs that other task I also decided to do? These are the self-doubts and self-flagellation I endure while working focused on something – usually during a particularly onerous segment or when I would really rather be elsewhere. I suppose one could argue that having these thoughts in the midst of a task signifies a certain LACK of focus and I suppose that’s true. Well that’s just one more thing I have to learn on my long road to maturity.

    Ah well, here’s to keeping focused ,which hopefully results in great accomplishment.

  • Everything Will Be Alright Tomorrow

    Everything Will Be Alright Tomorrow

    Light Signatures series, day, colour photograph, art, abstract, abstract expressionism, creative, city street, urban, downtown, cityscape, speed, blur, movement, motion, blue, muted, streaks, sweeping, patterns
    Calm Before The Storm, 2011 – Light Signatures :: (click to see more)

    I’m listening to Kid For Today by Boards of Canada, one of my favourite bands, and it is very successfully calming me down. I’ve been feeling very tense lately, probably because of the intense schedule and list of important projects I’m juggling at the moment.

    In fact a couple of days ago I was feeling unbelievably paranoid. Like I was a complete fraud – a con-artist. That it was only a matter of time before things caught up with me and I was exposed. Kind of how I imagine you would feel if you were on the lamb and running from the law. Weird. Truly odd. But I attribute that emotion to some extreme fatigue. Although today, I am feeling particularly thick headed like my brain is stuffed full of cotton wool and that is definitely from a severe lack of sleep – something I hope to remedy over the next few nights.

    This whole paranoia and fatigue thing reminds me of a tune by Faithless – Everything Will Be Alright Tomorrow. This is a philosophy that I adhere to and remember my mother repeating to me when I was anxious as a kid. Its also something that I tell my son when he is upset about something. Basically I take it to mean you will have a new perspective once you get some rest. In other words, a good part of what you are apprehensive about now is because you are tired. Eliminate that and it will go away. Also, with rest comes a clear mind that is better able to tackle your problems and solve them

    Good advice, I think.