William Oldacre Photography

Tag: sadness

  • Weight of Life

    Weight of Life

    Light Signatures series, day, colour photograph, art, abstract, abstract expressionism, creative, city street, urban, downtown, cityscape, speed, blur, movement, motion, green, pink, yellow, muted, swirls, triangles, shapes
    Green Red Swoops Over Criss-Cross, 2013 – Light Signatures :: (click to see more)

    Every so often I find myself remembering friends and family I’ve lost along the way with a lonely and heavy heart. I imagine this is what my grandmother is feeling when she speaks longingly of lost friends and family – what it feels like when you’ve outlasted your friends and lovers. If that’s true, then wow – old age is going to be deadly depressing having to face that each day – spirit crushing.

    But alternately I think of my son and his chums and my delight in their stories and antics. Perhaps the balance to inevitable loneliness is to delight in youth – take enjoyment from watching those younger than us cavort and play. Maybe this is just the natural progression that occurs as we have families and age. I hope so.

    Meanwhile it’s a poignant happy sadness I feel when I turn my thoughts to lost friends and family and the moments and ideas we shared. It’s a seductive longing for what was – the safety and security of the known and well understood.

  • Powerful Emotion

    Powerful Emotion

    Light Signatures series, day, colour photograph, art, abstract, abstract expressionism, creative, city street, urban, downtown, cityscape, speed, blur, movement, motion, blue, orange, muted, streaks, patterns
    Wisps Across Orangey Blue Strips, 2012 – Light Signatures :: (click to see more)

    At times like now I have an incredibly strong emotion welling up, humming and filling me up that I find difficult to explain. It’s akin to a tremendous sadness, coupled with nostalgia but woven through with happiness and pervaded with tremendous love. There is acceptance, apprehension is absent and there is a sense of omnipresence – of an ability to over view past and present equally. It makes me want to experience everything, forget all grudges and angers and makes my heart want to burst. It’s almost more than I can bear. I believe it might be a calm state.

    It feels like a subterranean under-current pervasive in all aspects and events of life – some fundamental element that is always there but not always observed or noticed. I want to remember it – keep it present in the fore, dwell in it so I can be mindful and aware of the ever potent moments of life. Although this is my wish, my fatigue and angers wash it away – overwhelm and submerge it in a high tide of jumbled emotions.

    Even now as I concentrate on writing this I feel a subtle shift as my awareness of it recedes into the background of my mind. I feel it most when I’m working on images, as I just was before beginning to write this and while quietly listening to music – oddly enough, not so much while I meditate.

    Usually meditation feels like my mind unraveling and meandering or if I’m able, a calm quietness and sometimes a centered mental warmth. But this omnipresent hum sad happiness feeling is different. It feels like the lattice upon which our lives our laid. A horizonless plain in which I’m able to move and see the entire relevance of action or emotion in full and in detail.

    As I said, I want to dwell in it.